34 Comments
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Abram Newcomer's avatar

Man, you're killing it with these poems with the repeated rhyme. Nice work, this is a wonderful read.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Hey, thanks! I want to try a few more sporadically. Might even give your form a try with some repetition sprinkled in there! With your permission, of course. 🙏🏻

Abram Newcomer's avatar

Do it! I'd love for people to use the Sal form. It's open for anyone to use.

Andrea (Andy) Curran 🌄's avatar

This is really beautiful! No words I could say would be a good comment it’s just damn good. 😊

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Sometimes short and sweet is better than a full poem! Thank you so much for stopping by. 🙏🏻

Andrea (Andy) Curran 🌄's avatar

Have to agree with that! Hope you are having a lovely day!

Niraj Pancholi's avatar

Hi Brooklyn, I really liked this line:

Beyond the sea, she’s there—my home—

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

I love that line, too. 🥲 So many feelings attached to it.

Niraj Pancholi's avatar

Yeah, it’s an interesting use of an em dash.

ryv 𓆣 ˚ ✶.'s avatar

aw, i loved how you weaved indigo with the sea foam. something about it really spoke for longing.. great work!

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

I was thinking about Bobby Darin’s Beyond the Sea, which is admittedly way more cheerful than my poem. Long-distance really gets you to long and yearn. :’)

ryv 𓆣 ˚ ✶.'s avatar

a vintage, bittersweet type of longing, then? :") always love hearing artist influences, thank you for sharing! and i can imagine. </3

Jordan Elings's avatar

Beautiful and heartbreaking. This could just as easily have been written by an old sailor from long ago which also makes this relatable.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

I suppose longing never changes. Even with the advantages of technology, distance is still the same as it was hundreds of years ago.

Kelly Trost's avatar

Oh, Brooklyn... I cannot say how beautiful this is. It just is. I hope someday she will know.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Here’s hoping. :’))

Gary L Taylor's avatar

Beautiful, it reads so well with that rhythm.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Thank you, Gary! I was loosely going for a shanty-ish feeling but ended with something a bit different.

Kevin Blakeslee's avatar

Love the rhythm and imagery!

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Thank you! A bit simpler than usual, but I’m fond of it.

Florey's avatar

I LOVE the rhythm.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

THANKS! A little simple but fun to write!

Steven Kent's avatar

Lovely imagery, Brooklyn. And indigo is such a mellifluous color name, isn't it? "Mood Blue" wouldn't have been nearly the memorable song title that "Mood Indigo" is.

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

It’s a beautiful color, too! Definitely a sight of beauty out by the shore before dawn and after sunset. Thanks for reading, Steven!

Abigail Seber's avatar

So well done!

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Thanks a lot!!!

Ethereal Twilight Poetry's avatar

You’re incredible!

Meg Floss's avatar

Beautiful!

Brooklyn Crane's avatar

Thank you! Very kind of you. 🙏🏻

Kasu (small wounds)'s avatar

So colorful and painful at the same time. Love the contrast 💙

eLOVEution's avatar

Oodles of love resplendent one <3

AuroraKMarch's avatar

What a word painting, bravo